So, you’ve decided to preplan your funeral. Great! You should be proud of the decision you’ve made to ease the burden of your passing for your loved ones. While it can be challenging to think about, the work you’re doing now will provide those you love with priceless peace of mind down the road.

Now, you need to share your advance funeral plans with them, but death is often a difficult subject, especially for those who care about you and can’t bear the thought of losing you. Don’t worry — we’re here to walk you through ways to make this conversation as comfortable and meaningful as possible for you and your loved ones.

Choosing a time and place.

When and where you have this conversation matters. You wouldn’t want someone to deliver heavy and important news to you in the middle of a stressful environment or somewhere you don’t feel comfortable processing any emotions that arise. Likewise, be intentional about the time and place when sharing your advance funeral plans with your loved ones. Avoid bringing it up during holidays or other family events. While it may seem like an ideal time because everyone is together, these gathers can often be stressful, too. Instead, pick a calm, private setting where everyone feels comfortable. If you’re having preplanning discussions with people across multiple households, consider setting up individual meeting times to allow each of them to be in their own home, if that’s their preferred setting.

Start with empathy and purpose: Why you chose advance funeral planning.

Before diving into the details of your advance funeral plans, start with your “why.” Lead with purpose-driven conversations. You likely chose to preplan your funeral in hopes of easing the burden on your loved ones; make sure they know you want them to be able to focus on their grief when you die, not stress over difficult decisions when emotions are high. Framing your advance funeral plans as an act of compassionate care helps remove fear and resistance from the conversation.

Be clear, honest and prepared.

 It’s not unusual for people to avoid talking about death. There’s a misconception that talking about death will make it happen sooner. While this idea is completely illogical, we understand it can be scary and uncomfortable. Instead, think about it the same way you would prepare if you were expecting a child. Preparing for and talking about the baby’s arrival won’t make them come any sooner, but you’ll be ready with a plan when they do. Similarly, preparing your loved ones and sharing details about your advance funeral plan will allow them to maintain peace of mind and remove uncertainties when the time comes. 

 As much as possible, have transparent family discussions and use direct language about what you’ve decided in your prearranged funeral details. Whether you’ve chosen burial or cremation, preferred music or other personal touches, communicating with clarity and documenting your final wishes ensures your loved ones honor your choices. Providing documentation from your chosen funeral home or preneed provider can also add peace of mind. At the very least, make sure your loved ones know where they can access those documents.

Include your loved ones in the fuenral process.

You don’t have to wait to tell your loved ones about your advance funeral plans until you’ve completed the process. Creating your plans can be collaborative, and your loved ones may be grateful for the opportunity to be involved. Including them in your preplanning journey can make them feel informed, and they may encourage you to consider options and perspectives you might not have otherwise. By inviting your loved ones into the process, you turn what might be a difficult conversation into an opportunity for meaningful connection.

Revisit the conversation.

As time passes and life changes, your plans, preferences and emotions may change, too. Be sure to revisit end-of-life conversations periodically to make updates and confirm details. This is especially important when you experience major life changes. Ongoing communication about your advance funeral plan ensures your arrangements continue to reflect your wishes and your family stays informed.

There are ample resources available to help guide your advance funeral plans conversation with your loved ones. Engaging in open and honest discussions may even inspire them to create their own plans, creating a legacy of care for those you love.