The discussion on what to wear happens frequently when people get together for an event. It’s human nature to be concerned about fitting in and looking appropriate for the situation you’re walking into. It’s for this reason that you can find hundreds of articles, blogs, etiquette columns and Pinterest pins about what to wear to a funeral.
The level of sensitivity that people have for funeral services is far greater than most gatherings because there is a real concern of offending a family who is already going through the worst time in their lives. Unless a dress code is specified to guests before the service, it can be hard to navigate what is appropriate to wear. Before you stress yourself out about planning your funeral outfit, here are several tips on what to wear to these occasions.
- What to Wear to a Funeral
- What to Wear to a Visitation
- What to Wear to a Celebration of Life
- Additional Funeral Service Attire Tips
What to Wear to a Funeral
Check the Dress Code
The first consideration when planning an outfit for a funeral is the dress code of the location of the funeral. Whether it’s a place of worship or a country club, always check with the venue to make sure you are adhering to their rules.
Select Conservative Attire
Another helpful guideline is to dress conservatively. This term can mean different things to different people. In general, it means sticking to solid, muted colors, higher necklines and appropriate shoes. Funeral services can sometimes include multiple stops, including a graveside service. What you’re wearing should easily transition from inside to outside on uneven terrain.
Wear Dark Colors
One of the biggest misconceptions about dressing for a funeral is that you are required to wear black. As time moves forward, this has become less of an expectation. While black is always a great go-to if you’re unsure about what you’re wearing, colors like gray and navy are also appropriate. Your most important goal is to avoid wearing anything that will distract attention away from the loved one who has passed away.
What Men Should Wear to a Funeral
In addition to the insights above, you may be wondering about specific choices for men’s attire. If you’re uncertain about the dress code, always lean toward traditional, formal attire. A black or navy single-breasted suit, paired with a white dress shirt, is a traditionally appropriate choice. If the dress code is more modern or casual, a gray or brown suit can also be suitable. Additionally, dress pants in black, navy, gray or khaki paired with a muted dress shirt or nice sweater is also acceptable. A small, subtle shirt pattern is okay. A tie is not necessarily needed, but is appropriate if you would like to wear one. Just make sure your attire reflects the requests of the grieving family and always lean toward formal attire. When in doubt, contact the funeral home performing the services and ask whether a specific dress code was discussed with or preferred by the family.
Avoid These Choices for Men’s Attire
If possible, try to avoid the following men's attire choices. These options may be seen as disrespectful or too casual, depending on the dress code: shorts, sweatpants, tennis shoes, jeans (unless the dress code is casual, then dark wash jeans can be appropriate), T-shirts or shirts with words, clothing with obvious rips, heavy cologne.
What Women Should Wear to a Funeral
Always lean toward traditional, formal attire if you’re uncertain about the dress code. For women’s attire, a knee-length or longer black or navy dress or skirt is appropriate. Pair a skirt with a blouse or sweater and consider layering with a cardigan or blazer for a polished look. If you prefer pants, opt for dress pants in black, navy, gray or khaki with a blouse, dress shirt or nice sweater. Subtle shirt patterns or prints are okay. Opt for understated, simple jewelry and other accessories, unless otherwise requested. Just like all funeral service attire, women’s attire should reflect the wishes of the grieving family, ensuring that the focus remains on them. Follow these additional tips for choosing funeral service attire.
Avoid These Choices for Women’s Attire
If possible, try to avoid the following women's attire choices. These options may be seen as disrespectful or too casual, depending on the dress code: heels that may be noisy when walking or inappropriate for outdoor terrain, shorts, sweatpants, tennis shoes, jeans (unless the dress code is casual, then dark wash jeans can be appropriate), T-shirts or shirts with words, clothing with obvious rips, heavy perfume.
What Children Should Wear to a Funeral
It’s important for children to have a safe space to process their grief, and attending the funeral of someone they knew can be an important step in that journey. Before the service, explain what they can anticipate at the funeral, answering their questions and ensuring they understand the importance of dressing and acting respectfully for the occasion. Read these additional tips for helping a child grieve at any age. In addition to the attire guidelines above, make sure your child is comfortable and that their clothing choices are appropriate for the weather of the day. Avoid bold, bright prints and colors, unless it is requested by the grieving family.
Avoid These Choices for Children’s Attire
If possible, try to avoid the following children's attire choices. These options may be seen as disrespectful or too casual, depending on the dress code: jeans, tennis shoes, shirts with words, clothing with obvious rips.
What to Wear to a Visitation
Visitations, or calling hours, are generally more casual than funeral services. They often occur after the regular work day, so it’s completely appropriate to attend a visitation in your usual business or business casual clothes. It’s still important to show respect to the grieving family, so avoid wearing inappropriate shoes like flip-flops and athletic shoes or very casual clothes like shorts and jeans, unless it has been dictated that this is to be the attire for everyone.
What to Wear to a Celebration of Life Service
A celebration of life service can be very different from a funeral service. The tone is often more upbeat and less structured, which leaves a lot of possibilities for clothing. Usually, the loved one’s family will set the tone for the event. They may ask everyone to wear the colors of the loved one’s favorite sports team or to wear tropical prints for someone who loved the beach. Whatever their request is, remember to oblige conservatively to make sure that the attention is still on the family and loved one.
Additional Funeral Service Attire Tips
In addition to the insights provided in earlier sections, and unless specified by the family's preferences, a few key principles can help guide your clothing choices:
Do:
- Select clean, comfortable clothing in simple, dark colors.
- Dress in layers. Consider bringing a sweater or blazer in case the temperature drops or it is cooler in the venue than anticipated.
- Wear clothing that demonstrates respect for the occasion but is appropriate for the climate/weather. If you are attending a burial ceremony during the winter, be sure to wear a coat. If rain is expected, bring an umbrella.
- Wear well-kept dress shoes that will be comfortable and suitable for the conditions (especially for events that will be held outdoors).
Don’t:
- Wear bright, bold colors or clothing with busy patterns or prints, unless invited to do so.
- Select inappropriate shoes — make sure your shoes will transition well to outdoor climate and terrain.
- Choose clothing that isn’t weather-appropriate. If it’s a warm day, opt for breathable and lighter-weight clothing fabrics.
If you are still uncertain about what to wear, don’t hesitate to reach out to the funeral home that is hosting the services and ask what would be appropriate. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, and funeral directors want to help ensure the best possible experience for everyone during a difficult time. If you’re looking for further ways to support the grieving family at a funeral service, read about funeral etiquette beyond the dress code. Do you have any rules for attire when you attend funerals or visitations? Leave your best advice in the comments.
