Death and our own mortality are topics people tend to avoid for many reasons. For most, it’s simply uncomfortable because it makes us come to terms with the difficult truth that our lives our fleeting and momentary. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, 37% of people avoid talking about death because it may be upsetting to others and 34% avoid it because it is depressing. One in 10 believe talking about death might somehow make it more likely to happen.

However, pondering death and dying is not only good for your overall well-being, it also fosters important conversations with your loved ones. In the same way we often take time for reflection at the end of the year — recalling highlights, challenges and lessons — setting aside time during our sunset years to look back on our lives and share our thoughts gives those you love a more meaningful and complete understanding of you both before and after your death.

Maybe you are the child, grandchild or other younger loved one who yearns for these conversations and to know your loved one on a deeper level. In this blog, you’ll find questions — both logistical and sentimental in nature — to help you begin to navigate those discussions, so you can not only be prepared for their passing, but you can be confident you will carry on their legacy exactly as they would like.

Planning the perfect memorial.

You may find it helpful to think about a specific need your loved one can help with, which can make having this conversation easier to navigate. It’s important to understand what they want to happen with their body and any funeral services after they die. Thinking about this ahead of time and creating a funeral plan can prevent confusion and stress later on. You might even discover they already have a funeral or estate plan in place.

Below is a short list of logistical questions to help you and your loved one start thinking about what the perfect memorial might look like for them.

Logistical questions to ask your loved ones.

• Do you have a will? If so, where is it located?
• Are you an organ donor?
• Do you have an advance care directive, living will or living trust?
• Do you have any formalized funeral plans?
• Do you have funeral planning insurance or funds set aside for your services?
• Would you like to be buried or cremated? Is there some other kind of final disposition you would prefer?
• What type of service would you like?
• Do you prefer a celebration of life or a traditional funeral?
• Are there specific songs, readings or rituals you would like included to personalize your service?
• Have your written your obituary or documented your life’s history as you want it to be remembered?

Preserving their memory beyond the service.

“Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see. I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me.”

These lyrics from the Broadway musical “Hamilton” are an apt description of what it means to leave a legacy. After we are gone, our legacy — how we are remembered — is carried forward by those we leave behind, those who continue our values in our absence.

But how can we know what values our loved ones want us to remember them by if we don’t ask? By engaging in conversations like this now, you avoid feeling regretful after your loved one has died and you can no longer ask them. Be sure to record your discussion or take notes as you go so you don’t forget the details when you need them.

Below is a list of questions that go beyond the details of a funeral and help your loved one share their life story and consider their legacy.

Sentimental questions to ask your loved ones.

• What values are most important to you, and how do they influence your daily life?
• What major events affected your view of life?
• What was the best part of your life?
• What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishments?
• In your opinion, what is the key to a happy life?
• Who has been your biggest influence on your life?
• How have you influenced others during your lifetime?
• What are the most important lessons you’ve learned from loved ones, friends or colleagues?
• What are some simple pleasures you have enjoyed in life?
• What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
• What advice do you want to leave your loved ones?
• What do you want to be remembered for? How would you like us to honor your memory?

Navigating conversations about death can be intimidating at first, but afterwards, you’ll be grateful you did it.